But why I have started and quit so many times about that issue? I really didn t knew. I mean, I do love those subject and I know something about those, too. But keeping a blog? That was hard for me.
In home, it so easy to talk about those, and give advises to my friends.
Reason: I didnt trust me enough. I didnt feel, like I´m even near to be able to write about beauty. Because...I´m not beautiful enough. I´m old. And I´m my mind: not right shape by my body.
So...I didnt really think of those, but those were in my head anyway.
I kind of shoot a torpedo to my trying. Not good enough.
Funny thought, I´m brave enough to write here about all that has happen in my past, but about fashion? I was in lock.
Self image is in so deep, I see.. and it really can get your way to do what you would love to do.
Now.. as I sit here.. with great back pain...(because I didnt stretch after training) I need to take a another view to me. Am I good enough? Do I have something to say there? And how much does my thinking limit my doings.
Oh yes, there´s also one thing more...my friend from past. Let´s just say, I wasnt good enough as I was. Or how I wanted to put myself, when we went out. That could be one reason, too... yes, it is one strong reason.
I thought that I was getting over it..but... now I realize that I´m not over it, yet. I´m gonna fight against those thoughts.
I just need to bring me here and now. To trust me...with this. Why on earth it is so hard! Maybe I just have to break my comfort zone there too! It is easier to brake it while training.. silly? Yes.
With all this that I have wrote now..I did some thinking at the same time. I wrote as I felt, so if this is confusing.. I just hope that you got my point?
That is, how much we can be our way to do what we love. I know, that my head was (is) in my way and I need to change it.
Cause every time, that I start that kind of blog.. I feel joy and sorrow at the same time.
I want feel more that joy... not sorrow, because I think: I´m not good enough to write this....
with huge love