perjantai 26. helmikuuta 2016

missing my sister

Since I started to open up..I might just continue... :)

But the fact is, that I do miss her. I have been thinking more and more is she doing and where she is.

We lost our connection since my..our... dad died. That happen about 5-6years ago.Me and her mom, we never actually liked each others, but somehow 20years we almost stood up for that situation. But since my..our father died... there was this huge fight over heritage. Stupid stupid thing... I had to hire a lawyer, otherwise this woman would toll over me and leave me with her debts.

That fight took about 2 years, and was ugly.

During that battle I lost sis. We use to be so close earlier... I mean, I was there all the way, when she grew up! She´s 20 and something now...

There are things that...I dont know.. can we ever talk about. So much happen during that stupid fight. Why is it, that when there´s money involved people go crazy??? Is it so be able to shop..? Fairness is missing with money.

Yes, I was also stubborn during that fight, but I made a promise to my mom, when she was passing away in her death bed... she said: take care of your heritage, dont let no one take it from you. That was a small piece of land in Saukkola, in small place in country side. Not too big or valuable. For me it was valuable in mentally: I spent my youth there. And there I had my family with it was important. I remember, how much my mom worked to get that place, of course my dad did, too.

But..I lost it. I lost my mom´s heritage. That pissed me off. Still do. For others it was just piece of land, worth some money and hey: let´s sell it! No one one of those, who wanted it to sell..not a dime spent there..not any work..nothing. Just...I was given for free. Unfair, I say.
I was thinking, that I have to fight harder to get it, but those lawyers are not cheap. So out of money, I had to let go....

Mixed feelings...  Missing, bitter, want to know, dont want. Still, thinking about her daily...

I dont know, shall we ever talk again. I dont know. We are now more of strangers that sisters...we have some same blood, but... is it stronger than water? Really? Can some things be fixed, or when those are broke, those will stay broke.

Sometimes I´m thinking to contact somehow...but I dont know her number... and..I would not know, what to say. Hi? No... she has her own life, she´s not a child anymore... and..if she wanted to contact me...she would have done so already. she thinking like me? Last time, when we spoke... she said that her mother had made her to choose her side: me or her. Of course she took her mother´s side, I totally get it. Mother is mother...

Maybe I have to let go... like in Titanic, when Kate let go of Leonardo? Maybe I have to stop wishing..for my own sake. That´s hard, but I feel like I have so much burden..and I need to let go of those burdens. Otherwise I cant be totally happy, and of course I want to be.

In life, there will be ALWAYS  things to deal with, that I know and have learned. But how can I face those new things, if I´m carrying old stuff, too? No way...

As I have told, my life was quite rough earlier... now I´m safe. Finally.

                              Image result for quotes about letting go

So true....

with love

2 kommenttia:

  1. It is so difficult to lose people out of our lives that we love and were such a huge part of our lives.. It saddens me to the core... I understand, I have lost many very important people out of my life over things of no importance. I wish people wouldn't say you have to choose one of the other, maybe I would have those people in my life now... how sad Maarit... :(

  2. hope everything gets better! wish you get a lot of strength to pass through this!

    Please check my Blog!! :)

    Alessa Bernal :)


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