perjantai 19. helmikuuta 2016

Did it again....

I drove myself to (almost) end. I mean, mentally. And physically. Because some symptoms came from mental side. Yep...hit my head against the wood...again.
There was one post earlier, where I swore, that not gonna let that happen..never. Here I am... telling this story...when do I learn?

So...last..well.. year...has been very challenging. As i have mother in law is not ok. And that´s not her fault, no no. Of course I want to help as much as I can.

But last few weeks... I have been tired. So tired and in bad&sad mood. I realized, that I´m too tired the day before yesterday, when I started to cry.. that didnt take too much. There´s a great alarm: crying for small reason. Then..then I´m way too tired. And I couldnt stop crying. My eyes were like waterfall... I drove myself way too deep with my desire to help.

Now, that´s no ones fault, I let that happen. I could say no for time to time...but I said always yes.

Yesterday... I said no. First I felt a bit selfish, but I was way too tired to think about that too much, which was good. Today... I´m feeling that it was a right call and.... I´m a bit better.

The way I felt earlier, that beside my training( thank God for that) I lost my life. I had not time for me. I barely had time for our pets. And I felt guilty about that... (too) Why that too? I started to felt guilty about everything! Why dont I have more time to help with that, go there, do that.... forgot me totally!

Now that selfishness is raising, and my mind is..well, now I want to say obstinate, like blaming myself...maybe its more like: healthy way to response to my feelings.

I need to learn again.. in this time more strongly: I dont have to give all. I dont need to try fix the world. I dont need to drive me so tired.

Today, first morning...I started with peace. I didnt slept well, not yet, but my morning started without having this panic: need to be there already and have to remember this and that...´s just me and my laptop...and cup of coffee. I like this feeling!

So good morning to all!

And! I have this hairstyle, that is coming in fashion again: bed head! ;D

Step by step coming back from darkness...

with love


4 kommenttia:

  1. Maarit learning to say no is freeing... we all need to do this from time to time. If we don't take care of ourselves we won't have anything to give to anyone else xox ♡

    1. That is so true dear Launna... so true! xox <3


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