There was one post earlier, where I swore, that not gonna let that happen..never. Here I am... telling this story...when do I learn?
So...last..well.. year...has been very challenging. As i have told..my mother in law is not ok. And that´s not her fault, no no. Of course I want to help as much as I can.
But last few weeks... I have been tired. So tired and in bad&sad mood. I realized, that I´m too tired the day before yesterday, when I started to cry.. that didnt take too much. There´s a great alarm: crying for small reason. Then..then I´m way too tired. And I couldnt stop crying. My eyes were like waterfall... I drove myself way too deep with my desire to help.
Now, that´s no ones fault, I let that happen. I could say no for time to time...but I said always yes.
Yesterday... I said no. First I felt a bit selfish, but I was way too tired to think about that too much, which was good. Today... I´m feeling that it was a right call and.... I´m a bit better.
The way I felt earlier, that beside my training( thank God for that) I lost my life. I had not time for me. I barely had time for our pets. And I felt guilty about that... (too) Why that too? I started to felt guilty about everything! Why dont I have more time to help with that, go there, do that.... forgot me totally!
Now that selfishness is raising, and my mind is..well, now I want to say obstinate, like blaming myself...maybe its more like: healthy way to response to my feelings.
I need to learn again.. in this time more strongly: I dont have to give all. I dont need to try fix the world. I dont need to drive me so tired.
Today, first morning...I started with peace. I didnt slept well, not yet, but my morning started without having this panic: need to be there already and have to remember this and that...
Today...it´s just me and my laptop...and cup of coffee. I like this feeling!
So good morning to all!
And! I have this hairstyle, that is coming in fashion again: bed head! ;D
Step by step coming back from darkness...