Small steps, but I will find it again. Me, as honest as I can be.
Today, now, I´m sitting in sofa, drinking cold coffee and my head is full of thoughts. What exactly, not too sure. I have been keeping so much inside lately, that I really dont hear me.
But I shall both try and practice to get those out.
I think about future. I have been still so many years, made so much routines that thinking new stuff was a bit hard. In some point I realized, that I was meant to do something more, too. Also, I realized, that by doing and working hard...there´s a big power... to go after my dreams and passion.
Then came that question: what are my dreams and passions?
I know the answer, but I had gave up long time ago. I thought...really...that I am too old. Too old for my dreams and my passion. My passion is to be front of camera. That is my passion. I know, that I´m good at that. But I sort of like thought...my age. Too high. I cant never ever go and fulfill my passion again, and that made me sad.
Sounds silly, to dream about something like that? Maybe...but when your heart starts to pump more, when you think something...you know, that it is for you. That´s how I feel, when I think about being front of camera. I just love it.
When I was younger and had a change to do more, career... I got sick. Sort of...Panic disorder and depression. I got stuck at home. Now...I can say both: I´m thankful, that I walked that road and also...bitter. I feel like I missed my life in 10 years. I dont know, have I ever said that out loud. But now I´m saying. I´m a bit bitter. I know, that I had a fair chance to go forward in modelling. But I had to give up. Now I´m 44years. Not so old, but somehow... I know... old.
That´s why I´m more than happy about going to this new model agency in next month, and photo shoot. I have been working so hard to get in shape. Now I have a bigger meaning for that. And that gives me more power to continue even harder.
I dont know, how much can I get work...but at least I know, that they wanted me. That itself tells me, that I´m not too old, not yet.
;) pose! :D Ok, more than happy. Winter came yesterday!
Next pictures are from today, as I was just hanging out. I do love winter so very much.
So pure, so bright.