I dont know, if I have told...or I have, but that was such a long time ago, so...I will tell it once more. During years 1991-2000 I suffered from huge panic disorder. I truly believed that living here, this my life...wasnt such a good idea. I tried 3 time to end my life. I was more like zombie that human. That panic was so bad, that I spent most of my time in hospitals. I didnt believe that I will win it..ever.
But I did. I truly did! For me those years are more like bad dream now, and I´m so grateful that I made it. But of course that leave some issues for me: how to react/look myself. After you have put yourself the lowest scum back in earth... feeling so.. not worth anything because panic...after all that... can I be happy? Can I be the best me that I can? Because during those years I couldnt. And trust me..those were long years.....
So...I´m kind of learning to live, being me again. I remember, how I was before, and like I said: between this time and before was huge difference. I wasnt me. No, I was something else...wow, that was a hard time..now, as I write..I almost cry. Thank God that´s behind me!
But now... who I am? I have this awesome life now. So... first I felt so selfish to talk about my project. Yep, I do train hard..I have lost 20 kilos... I do look... well, not too bad? :) Is that a sin??? I mean... I am so grateful that I´m alive...can I be also happy the way I look?
Oh boy... hard to explain..hope you guys understand.
But... I´m taking me serious now. Also from outside. I want to celebrate my life and be the best woman I can, for me. weird feeling... to be a shamed and proud at the same time... But I´m proud about that work I have done. 9 hours training every week and smart diet. That was me leaving my comfort zone... I left that real good!!!
And if you are suffering about panic.... there is a hope to win it.
with huge love
(Launna... I´m going to take away that other blog...sorry!!! :D it is just too much...and I cant live only fluffy life...I think that you know me better ;) )