maanantai 21. syyskuuta 2015

dear diary

Dear Diary

Today has been a day of revelation. Revelation of my thoughts. Realization, why I feel the way I do in some issues.

This is from my notebook...

For some reason pretty damn ... I have been so nervous for a couple of days? Could it be ... after a small bout of flu-perhaps break and fear that someone myocarditis ... if you will do something. Then is irritating when you can not workout, and fear, if you gaining weight? Just want to throw on the wall everything, brawl and shout .... But did I'm now in this moment get weight. On the other hand, now I do not know whether this development go forward or are we still in it same numbers? And why the hell I could be happy now? Someone miracle participants will become ... someone rush..of something? Someone result? What? The trip, but right now none destiny..maybe ...'m therefore committed myself looks? It was supposed to help when you lose weight? Where is the limit? As happy? What is my real goal is? What do I want? Where are you satisfied? And the way between the ... more to life ...

That is, the objective .... ??? Now I have, however, reached the one-leg ... . The dream was ##? But .... I want to all`? And why? I can not imagine myself as less than ##? That's why I can not dream of? Sometimes in -94 was? I gave up somewhere in between ... And why I should not dream of under ##? As I thought of myself as sub-worth it ... Because of one friend ... yep. Wanna be hot, to my man, too. A strong desire to take the time to back what I lost in panic. 10v "wasted". And it came to it now for real everything shi##T! So ... I guess is okay to be so that something minor trauma on..and to work with them ... So: I want to be such a size that when you put your clothes on, so there is almost always ok. True hell I want to look good when spent 10 years when I grow up, and I felt really bad when I was suffering from panic and depressed. 
 No more taken seriously. And so I didnt, either. Myself. Completing scared, what if I fail? Where is ...? And I've already succeeded! So, real issue is, therefore, in the background .... Now we need to carry out for me..not because of the need to show to the past. Rather, work in the future ... and to be here now.

Translated with Google. Not perfect, but hoping that you will get my point... those ## are numbers, I didnt want to put those here now :D. But, I feel like I´m hitting in goldmine here with me. Sometimes (usually) the way we react some issues are learned habits from the past... the ways to behave. And if those are not good for you, then... a small trip to past is in be able learn and chance the way you react, feel. Understand, why did you react so then and maybe you dont have to do that now? Learning form past...that takes one thing: to face shitty things from past.... those hard, tough times..and to be able to realize, how far have you came.. winning those fears... then, you are free. 

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about learning from past

2 kommenttia:

  1. Maarit, the past can hurt but it is something we can all learn from... It has taken me 2 years to learn from the past ... it was so tough but I emerged and I know you have too... There is nothing wrong with wanting it all... just keep reaching xox

    1. Thank you dear Launna...thank you so much xox <3


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