Since that day..we have been so busy. Suddenly we had two places to take care of, two town houses.. big worry about her.. travelling to hospital and back (here those distances are a bit longer: 120km, 74mile) homework, putting potatoes in ground, workout, jogging, to schedule everything. And of course I want to be that strong one to my man... He´s more worried that me.
As I woke, I had a short window to drink my coffee and then I was already busy. Also, some of my not too close friends called to just ask something: I need you to do make up, I need you to take me somewhere..gimme money. I felt like I was torn in pieces!
Yesterday, I felt kind of weird while walking.. like I was skittish.. about everything. When I came home, I tried to listen relaxing- tape. Not too much help, because in my mind was things that needed to be done. Time was in card. Then, one of my.. well, now I dont call her as a friend..maybe more like nodding acquaintance, put me a message throw FB.
"What are you doing now? Are you busy?" Me: yes I am, what´s wrong? "I need you to take to Turku" (that´s 120km..)No can do, I´m busy and I told what has happen.
I thought, that she would understand that really, I´m busy and also, I do have sadness in my heart. But no.... "ok, then I shall take my motorcycle and drive with fury." Me: ?????What? "My knee is hurting and I need a lift. Now. But it dosent matter, I shall brake my knee more."
Like a child! She has her dad etc there. I told her that I´m tired. She... well poured all the shit to me.
Then... I lost my nerves, and I dont do that too often. I just said, do what ever you want, really. It´s up to you, if you want to be so stupid. Meanwhile one person is fighting for her life....not too serious..
After that... I felt kind of panic, kind of arrhythmia, and I didnt breathe normal. I was more like a fish in a dry land. I just sat and started to cry. I cried and let out all that weeks stress. When my man came home, I just said: I´m so tired. And I cried more. I felt bad, because he has his worry about her mom and now me? Crying...
But you know what? That helped! After I admit, that I´m tired, after all that crying... I felt more stronger again. And I knew... I need to take more care of me, too!
And it´s ok to say: I´m tired.
Now, we dont know about the future... but I know my limits. I just need to take day as it comes, and remember to react to my own body, too.
Now time do my oatmeal and then, yep...busy :) But now I know, that it´s ok to take a break...
Ps. Launna: I wanted to put a note to you in FB, but I have been too tired with words. You are in my thoughts and heart anyway!!