As I look back... I lost that whole week just to stress...and feeling bad. That time I cant get back. But that makes me sad....lost too much time to being negative and not to be able to see those good things. Actually...I feel that I have been like in fog all week....
And here´s my time to wake. I´m hurting myself too much inside, eating that good and positive away. Cant do that any more.
I need to be more open..more understanding. Sometimes, when someone hurts you by saying something hurtful... well, I do react strongly. Of course there are moments, when only way is react so.. otherwise people will run over you. But in smaller cases... maybe I need to breath and let it go.
In my past, I needed to fight so much, that I think that I´m still tired of that. I needed to fight to just keep me alive. I couldnt let my shield down because all those bad thing would have been eating me alive. And I do mean that, it was fight to survive.
Now....I truly dont have that to worry about. No...but my reaction is still in such a level, like it was then. So...now..to survive..I need to lower my reaction...to normal level, what ever that is.
I´m both proud and happy that I have gone through so much, and I survived alive. But the price from hard life is.... toughness. When so called normal life is in order...peace... inside of meis this wolf still. But... trick is.. how to handle these normal things..stress... without waking that beast to fight so hard?