Last week has been full of nerve-racking, tight, full of emotions, disappointments, insights moments. I havent sleep well in all week, because my back. And... thoughts. I was stressing lot´s of things, that had to be done. Also, I had to wonder about friendships.
To be able look things from distance is a gift. I do not have that, not in that moment, when I need it. (But I´m trying to learn!)
I have been disappointed with one person. That is so sad, and maybe I´m taking it too sensitive..but I have believed that any relationship is a two way street. And it is. So... my reaction, when I truly feel that it is not..is staying quiet.
First I write a lot and share things.... then, when I feel (and yes, see from writing) that other dosent want to share things like before.... that makes me think that I was ok when I was needed.
This is long story, but that main point is that I feel used. I dont know, if it so black and white-thing.. but my reaction is retreat.
These are those things that gets to me too much. I feel and think too much. I just cant stand unfairness too well... Even thought I need to let go of my guard in so many thing, this is where I need to grow it a bit. Letting go, and not think it too much. Not to take it so, that I will loose my sleep.... that´s not good for me. I know... It´s just.. if I feel that I have been treated unfair..Oh well, need to try to look that bigger picture of life. I shall try!
Ok, that a strong statement, but sometimes true....Not all people do that. No no..
Then back to this bigger picture.
My coach said, that he will continue to work with me another 1/2years. I´m so happy about that. My goal, dream is so much closer. I do need his help, and I´m gonna achieve my dream. But you know....I´m not totally sure, what´s my ultimate dream? Does that sound funny?
I know, that working out, losing weight is part of it. It´s like I´m doing it and the faith it self is guiding my way. I wok out, for some purpose. That much I know. But that destination? Not too sure... I feel like now I need to enjoy the journey and that will relieve me, when it is time. I took a lot of stress earlier, about this. "I need to know NOW, what is my destiny." But..no I dont. That will come to me. All I need to do is follow my heart and work. Do how I feel. Trust that feeling, that I´m on my way to something that need to be.
I dont have to know everything now...
with these thought and