Now I find myself in..interesting, hard place...goes along with feelings. I´m gonna make some choices, decisions. Not too easy but I think, that I have to make it.
People in my life. Some has gone though, some are here to stay. But... there´s some things, that I have to think. MY feelings....
First and hardest....my sister. Since our dad died (we have different mother)... wow, that distribution of inheritance was ugly. That was too ugly. I stood up for myself, after 20years for taking shit... and I had to hire a lawyer. I wasnt that doormat any more. After that....all gone with my sis. Nothing....I see her face in FB sometimes, and every time I fall in tears. Every time it´s like a knife in my heart.
I tried to stay in contact, but that didnt lead nowhere...so...now...I´m thinking me. I dont have to be the one, that still hopes...I have to let that go. This is real hard decision.....but I have to think me now. I have to set me free from that pain. I just have to...sis or not.
So true. And....that goes for some other people, too. I have been thinking, why they want to be around me....answer was sad: wanting something.Trying to control my life, wanting to put me down. Not believing me. And that´s not what I want. Maybe this is me waking up?
It´s like cleaning my life in better for me, making room for new things. Even thought this is making me a bit sad now...at the same time...free and relieved.
When I was younger, I was doormat. I just could´nt say: no. My mam was quite worried about that....how I will stand up for myself, when she´s past away? (she passed away in quite young age, cancer) She kind of new, that I´m gonna be alone after that.... but now, I can and I will say no. :) I learned that, in hard way. Makes my life so much easier...it does.
So, today´s thoughts....off to the gym now!
with huge love