But.. I didnt realize that there are different kind of fears. Not so dramatic than I had in panic, but still...holding me. By ignoring those, I actually gave more power to those thoughts.
Some are habits from past, some are new. But mostly made by me in my head.
As I told, I was suffering about influenza, and it was angry one. I knew, that there´s certain time that have to take easy, with sports. Of course, I dont want to have myocarditis.
But...I really wanted to start sports, and ever nurse said that it´s ok, slowly.. Me? I wanted to start, but at the same time...I was so afraid. What if.....it comes right now?? Maybe I had once good reason to take it easy, but in my thoughts I went too far. And that kept me in prison....
Only thing that I could remember, was my dad..passed away...massive heart attack.
So, yesterday I faced that fear. I had to remind me, I´m ok now....there´s NO reason, why I cant do my gym-time... no reason at all. I dont have to be afraid. I lifted, with full speed and by that I won my fear. I know, that I still have to win, in my thoughts, but by facing my fear...best thing that I can do for me.
That goes for so many fears! And now I do know, what I´m talking. I know that feeling, when you are so afraid something in you mind, that it keeps you down....I know.
How I survived from that panic? By facing my biggest fears...that was not easy, no. And it took long time..lot´s of strength...but finally, I won.
Some fears are not to be seen, it´s just a feeling...feeling that says to you: you cant. Behind that is fear. And maybe you dont see it....If you dont see it, you cant fight. You cant fight? You wound do what you want. Simple...?
So, could it be, that behind "I cant" is really some fear? In my case...yes. Actually in many thoughts...I just havent thought about that before. Because.... I truly thought that I dont have "important" fears, because I won some bigger already.
But we have our fears. It dont have to be big. fear is fear..bigger or smaller. It dont have to be so called"rational"... In your mind it´s real. That´s rational enough.
Only way to overcome it is facing it. Stair it in it´s eyes and take the first step. Hard, but so worth it.
Every time, always.
And now..I have some fears to win ;)