I was yesterday in funeral, not from my family..but from my man´s. So, who was buried was not too close to me. I had met him earlier and remembered him from there. We talked and spent time with him in one day of my life.
For me, that was easier to go to funeral and I truly felt others pain. I know, how hard it is to loose someone special.
I also had time to observe that surround. In church, as we sat, that chest is front of us. It is so...waking moment! 2 years ago I talked with him..now he´s there..in front of us. Sleeping that eternal dream. There I faced our mortality again.
I dont know, is it written is stars, how much time we have here in earth... or is it just one-time thing. (I want to believe that is is more) But I cant tell before I experience that myself. Hopefully after long, long time.
But as I sat there, listened as the priest talked....I realized this: we all go one day. How am I living my life now? Am I truly doing, what I want and am I truly that person, that I want to be?
So often it´s easy to say....I do it later. I live when I´m in retired. I think that you know, what I mean. How hard it´s really, to live your life like you want, now? Never we cant know, when it´s our time. That´s one thing that we know. And maybe good so, it truly could put our heads so mixed up...or then we have to learn to truly live our life? That I dont know.
As for me...I stared, for real, to think what I want and how I´m doing now. There is some serious things ahead me: my stomach is ill. And I need to go some serious test´s in next week. In our family is genetic cancer in stomach, so....little nervous. But yesterday I decided that I´m gonna do EVERYTHING that is possible to treat me, my body and mind the best way I can. Life is so fragile, so beautiful... it´s all life we got now.
One day it´s gonna be me in that chest, and I want the priest to say: She lived her life as she truly wanted.