After long period of bad things, it is so hard to open one´s heart. For me it was! Kind of still is, but I´m learning.
I have this picture in my head, that I have been fighting almost all my life against something: panic, man...you know, what I have been told before. Long list! And that made me react, even without me noticing, like warrior. All the time on guard and reading signs....what will happen now, who´s next, what does he/she mean by that.... total surviving mode on!
More or less like one of my dog; I took him when he was 1,5years old. He came from bad place, so bad..He was beaten, no food...oh man, poor dog! Now He´s like teddybear for me. I can do almost everything and we trust each other. But he still have this thing, like every time, when I have to operate something, ears etc...he goes panic. At the beginning..no way I could do nothing without muzzle in he´s nose. Now...yep :)
But this has been long road. One doc said that second someone else touches he´s breast and come´s straight from front..panic. Defense.
I feel same, sometimes. (Oh, Veikko dog is now 8 and feeling good!)
But I have that same reaction...I didnt even noticed before one person pointed that. She asked, that have you thought, why you are so hard on yourself? And why you react so hard, if someone around you is having bad day. Defensive right away.
I truly havent noticed that, and now I do...oh man, it has been hard! Now I understand, why I have been so tired....for so long. And the funniest thing was, that I was kind of...grew to it!
Now...I notice my reaction, also when I start to defensive myself, even it´s not necessary..
And you know...I started to open my heart more. Totally worth to "update" yourself once in a while! I see more, beautiful things around me..I feel more..me. Sometimes it takes some work to realize and act, but after that...good road :)
That small pic inside of bigger is that road behind :) having fun with my phone!
This too.... front and behind
I just have to say...I´m so blessed to walk these roads...so much beauty here!