I have to admit, that i have been down lately. That´s why I havent wrote. I promised once to be honest here. I am. Not so easy thought.
I dont know why, really. Of course there are things in everybody´s life that could bring one down.
But this wasn´t relaed straight to those. At least I didnt saw that. But i gave up. There, I said it.
I just gave up. I was so tired. I didnt wanted to go in FB (one reason kept me there;), not in computer. Actually, all technology that worked in socialmedia, was depressing to me. I was just so tired, didnt know, what to say.
I fought every day to see that good in my life. And I saw more, when i spend less time in computer. Naturally. But, I also saw me. And I didnt like me. Why, I didn´t knew. I just..didn´t like.
Those things that i use to love, driving around, jogging, gym...I hade to ask myself, why? Why I need to go, why I have to drive...Am I worth it? I even asked from me, why dont I just sleep days, there´s nothing to me to do.
I lost that eye of the tiger from my eyes.
Yesterday i didnt wake up with rage, suddenly like new person. But, i felt better. Like I have rested well. I had 5% more energy that day before that. Now, my mind is more wake. There´s growing small hunger for life again.
I know, I havent lost that fighter in me, but it was soooo tired. Maybe, I needed to give some space for that to grow...not fight, live with it. Dance with that feeling.....
Now, I feel that eye of the life again, in me.
Now, I see myself again. New and old. I know, that I still have to fight...raise that storm, to see me and become that tiger. To win.
But you know? That feeling is actually nice. Real. Sensitive, strong. Hurting but alive. I win. I fight. I survive. And even more, I live. :)