keskiviikko 25. syyskuuta 2013

renewal

I have told you before, how I react in front of changes. Those, that I feel that change my life somehow. First i get depressed and kind of melancholic. That happen, when i get this sort of mystic feeling about something. It could take 2 weeks before anything happens.

Now...new feeling. I have been calm, maybe too much. Still am! Tired, more than usually. Not so social. Yet, clearer somehow.

In my heart, I feel this great fire, that is holding itself down. Saving that fire for something that is going to happend soon, in near future.

I prepare myself, i can feel that. I look my clothes, what should i wear, when time comes to shine. I look at the mirrow, and i can actually see myself. Real me, after long time.
Maybe, i have felt it before. But from the mirrow...It wasn´t totally me then.  I actually didn´t like my picture, when I looked in that mirrow.

I saw tired woman without purpose, without destination.

Now, i can see some determination in my eyes...for something? Funny, woh? I really dont know, what. But I know, that it´s closer. what ever it is. And it´s good.

So, I´m renewal me from outside and also inside! Without knowing why. Sounds crazy, I know....

Sometimes it feels so big, that it´s hard to breath! And no, I dont have asthma ;D

My mother told me, when I was kid..that in our family, woman have this gift to see dreams about happenings. Gift to feel things to come. Someone says, bu**s*it, someone belives in these things. I have to belive, because i saw both, my mother and dad, how will they past away. Year before.
And i thought those to be just bad nightmares...untill those happed just the way I saw in my dream.

Ok, now you may think that she lost it.. ;) 

But, still...I know that something´s going on around and I just have to wait and see.... 
Drink my morning coffee, enjoy that weather. Live my life. Whatever happens, it dosent take anything away from me, it gives. And that is just great feeling, i dont have to be afraid.

Maybe, because i have lost so much and many in past, this is so new feeling..to feel good about changes.  I´m more use to that feeling, loosing my love one´s.

Maybe... now is my time to shine :) And still keeping my life as good as it is....Dont we all have that moment in some point in our lifes? I belive we have. Just matter of time.

And one thing more...doing what you love, beliving yourself...that dont hurt your way to bigger plan. When i started to do my thing, even i heard people saying: not woth it, go some real job..etc. I continued doing things in my way.

Sometimes hard, tired and feeling all alone..but still.. I would never change a thing. I love writing, and that´s something i will do, always. That´s it. For me, simple.

And I hope you got the point, i just wrote what i feel. Forgive me my mispellings, I will read this later. I just wanted to write, without stress of words or letters..more feeling.

 
 



With love
Maarit

2 kommenttia:

  1. I know what you mean Maarit... I believe that we all have the ability to feel what the future holds when we are in tune... I guess that is why sometimes is hard to live in the present and see things not being as they should... I am glad you got some rest... I did too... finally....

    VastaaPoista
    Vastaukset
    1. Launna, you are, again right :) Living in present can be so hard sometimes...and that tune, it´s so strong sometimes... More than happy I am that you got your rest, too!!! Definetly came in need here, too.....

      Poista

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