keskiviikko 22. toukokuuta 2013

From my heart

Writing from my heart, that i promised to do...I know, i havent done that lately (not all the time). Maybe because i was too afraid to look at my heart, myself! And kind of still are.
 
Maybe, if I just write...without thinking...I can see me, too.
 
Sitting here, at chair..laptop in my lap
I listen my heart. I wanna hear!
I know, there´s something that i need to realize
Something i can see
 
I feel pain, anxiety. Why? I dont know, or more like, I dont see. Theres something i need to change in me...in my life. Too afraid? Unhappy for some results, disappointed the way i have done few things.
So, disappinted in me? Or am I keeping me too tight..forgot to have fun? What is fun..
 
I know, those things are up to me..It´s just...i really dont know, how to cut this -must do now- feeling..I havent have fun lately. No. I have some sort of serious time, or am I serious because I am tired? I dont know..
I need to have fun..need to laught..want to be near my love..sometimes, i feel that everything and everyone are so far! Or am I so far...
 
I dont have passion to take my camera and go somewhere..lost it last week..passion.
All things looks like same, allthought they are not. Oh, dont take me wrong! I can sit all day in rock and look butterfly to play..listen birds, just love nature.
 
But. I feel that for me..i´m a ghost..invisible. I have encouraged myself for so long..now..feel like left under truck. No energy to create..all seems similar to me. House, furniture,,me...
Like, i have fall in black hole, and just accepted it. Sitting in this chair....
 
 
Thinking now, what i wrote...am i depressed? A bit..but more, I´m tired. I think. Sometimes, fighting alone all battles can be hard..and i havent even saw that! Really, I have just walked..do what has to be done. Not asking: how are you? From myself.
 
Or, what i want? Another good guestion. Few things i know: this project, super me. I dont know why, but somehow it feels important now. And love. That i know. XXX. I know, i love writing. Photography Those i know. From there...i know, i want more...something? But what. There´s a thought...and puzzle.

I dont know, if this makes any sense? It´s like me now...Confused...
I promised, to be honest here, and now I am..:)



Hmm...maybe, those guotes has point..something to think about to me, hope for you too. If you feel same, or just a thought...

With love
Maarit


2 kommenttia:

  1. Maarit... I believe honesty is the only way we can be... I try to be very uplifting but I have my days too... we all doubt and question if we are worth it... We are, you are <3

    VastaaPoista
  2. <3 Launna, than you for being here <3 :) you are one of my batterys :) we are, you are :)

    VastaaPoista

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