I eat alone, drink my coffee alone, do my things without encouragement...Oh, wait...no, i´m not alone :) You are here! Thank you for that. And i have love inside of me, so that keeps me warm. I have my dogs and cat, my babys. And i have me.
Sometimes, like everyone, I go througt different stages of life. Now, i think...missing my dad. I didn´t get the time, when he passed away to miss him. Too much was going on. Yesterday, i took my phone to call him...and then i rememered that i cant. I felt so orphan.
Both parents gone, all grandmoms&paps...gone.
Just sometimes...miss that feeling, that i could call to my dad and tell him: dad, i´m tired..and he said that you are such a great girl, do what you belive and you are good at it!
Now i have to say it by my self, to myself. Just...sometimes, i think why? Why did he passed away, why i feel so lonely, why i write, why my mom passed away...why why why.
I know, in everything, there´s a reason. Really, i do belive in that. So, i belive that i have some meaning to be here. For me, that´s a huge relief, could be too much of burden to carry without that thought.
If that´s not true...well, for me it´s is lifesaver.
I know, there´s something changed in me. I want more. Too tired to settle, i have dream and i´m gonna chase it! No matter how tired I am, i own it for myself. I´m not gonna live forever...
I can feel my parents smiling for me, cheering. I start to belive again in me.
No matter how tired you are, please..never give up. I promise to do that too..not gonna give up.
I know, sometimes life can be so hard. It really can wear down, leave you hopeless...But then again..stand up. Fight. Belive in you. I belive in you.
Now, i´m gonna kick my ass and start to build my dream..bit by bit. Day by day. Cant lose nothing there!