I felt a bit depressed, not so happy about small things around me, or bigger. I could not write as good as i wanted..actually, i didnt know, what to write!
I felt kind of anxiety about creating. Wanted it so much and no clue, what to create? Didnt saw so clearly those little birds, that i normally enjoy to watch behind my window...Felt kind of blind!
And that was so annoying! Some of those feelings is still have, but now i´m trying to learn about me, again.
I was going in that direction, that i have said before, not good for me. Wanting to be like everybody else. In professionally.
When i came from capital here, in country..i had this crazy feeling, that i have to do something all the time, otherwise i´m not good enought. I grew up from it, but i think that it found me...
In this profession, i´m working in home. So, i have to greate my own schedules. And i have power to do what ever i want, and write where ever i want.
Then i let that turn against me. Not busy enought!! Not getting satisfaction, about what i do! My friends in capital are sooo busy all the time.
I started to feel bad, cuz i´m not busy. (mostly). And i have this freedom, if i want to go and jog now..i can. But, there has to be something wrong there, right? Cuz others have long days, and always busy? Right?
Then i took one conversation, with friend of mine, from capital. Sheś sick, badly, right now. Itś serious. And...she feels bad about being sick...need to be in hobbys etc becouse that all there is to sort of show up to others. Being afraid that they forget her...
Then it hit me, and i did remember why i choose this lifestyle: I dont want to be in that vicious circle any more!
I dont want to do things like others, because someone has said sometimes that itś the only way to be good.
Well, i dont belive that pressure, that
And I´m not lazy, no. I do things my way. But i really felt again that pressure, that makes society feel bad...woh, not good.
Freedom to choose can feel so weard, that it can turn against you..dont let it. Enjoy it.
If i want, i can work from moon! Or where ever i want..
As i write, i still have my nightgown on :) cup of coffee next to me and love around...xoxoxox for you.... ;)
So, after this i´m gonna but "real"clothes and go out. With my camera. One thing is new..i have new dreams... Bigger.. and thanks to my lifestyle, nothings impossible!!!! Nothing!
So, I´m gonna dream so big, and enjoy this ride of life.
What i´, trying to say.. I´m back :)
Hope you did understand my point? Tryed to explain, not so easy to admit..
A. Einstein was awesome ;)