Yesterday i watched movie: 17 again. It was about this man, who regretted few things, few decisions. And surprise, there came this elf and made this come true. In the end In the end, that first life was still the best.
I started to play with thought, what if. My mom always said, that if there was´nt word if, cows were flying. That´s a good saying.
But, i want to play with these thoughs.. How my would change, or is is like that, when destiny has a plan, we end up always in this same place? If it´s ment to be?
What if, when i had my first panic attact, i would have received that... what if, it just would gone and i was continening my life as i knew it? Lots of partys, vip things, gonna be sort of famos?
Could it be that i was keeping continue partying, and end up being total drunk now? Or found my peace and be here?
Other thing, that i have wondered.. what if, my parents wkere alive still? If i somehow could knew my moms cancer, and she would be ok? How different i would be, to grow up in place, with safe and loved? Could i still be here, or..??
Somehow i belive, that faith has plans for us, and sooner or later i ended up here, but...
Well, I´m not too old for those things, what i have dreamed about. Not too late. Maybe i´m a bit bitter for those years, what i lost during panic...
And maybe, i had this thoughs that i was not good enough..that´s what i felt so long.. So...what if, i take my changes and keep on continue now, when i´m stronger and older. Maybe i´m ready now??
If i was´nt ready for few things then, and am now..School of life, is tough but good teacher.
We will see that, im trying my best anyway :)
Have a great evening