maanantai 16. heinäkuuta 2012

fear

Today i just write... what ever comes in my mind. Couse, I kmow that there´s so much, and if i try to think or analyze too much, i dont get my thoughts right out.....

So, here i go!!!

What´s wrong with me, i dont get excited like i use to... i know, that there´s lot of thougs in my head, but i´m afraid to think those.. maybe it´s becouse some of those means chances...

I know, that one thing is my back, i got invitation to take more tests etc...I´m sick and tired to be sick!!!! Really... I havent gone to jog, havent done zumba...and my mind desires physical action!!
I´m NOT good patient :///
And i dont wanna put so much extra kilos, couse i bought a nice dress in wedding.. so.. I think i´m worring too much...too much time in my hands...

I dont know, is bad or good to do something, couse it´s not normal back pain... maybe those lumps just disappear, if I do something... or continue like now: cant do anything or sleep.. that´s a bit of problem for me now... i wanna sleep, but my back dont let me... Hate that!!!

Launna, Jagueline, Susanna and everybody else, I have read youre blogs, but i havent left comments, couse my mind is...stuck!!!! But, i love all of your blogs...

Maybe i have to admit, i´m a bit scared and depressed... Have been some time, but denied it...
But, now i sayd it...

I wanted to write something cheerful, but i write life.. my life.. :)) and now, it´s like this..opening here to all of you....

I think, that i´m gonna gather my strength, in mu mind and body and try to fix me....

If one is bit lost, i dont think that is that it´s a shame to say it? And NEVER too late to fix...




One thing is sure, my heart is still very much alive and open. I will tell you more  about that later ;)


But now, i wish you good night/day/morning...

Maarit




2 kommenttia:

  1. Ohhh Maarit, I wish I could have been there for you, I was busy with that silly CPA course... I know you're afraid and you have that right. I am praying that you will be okay. I think about you often... please keep in touch:) Even if it is just a quick hi on Facebook:)

    VastaaPoista
  2. Launna, you are with me.. Somehow i just know that :)And i´m so proud of you and you won that CPA!!! That was so great!

    I will, of course. :))

    Next week i go to some new tests and then i know so much more. I will tell you all about that then :)

    VastaaPoista

Your comment is my pleasure :)