keskiviikko 9. toukokuuta 2012

confessing and one dream more

No, i havent changed my Paris-dream, that is my dream still. But i have more!
Or maybe more like goals.. One is... ok, i have to say, that right now i have little problems to write. I have sooo many things in my mind, and i got one comment from someone called unknown.. he/she wrote that he/she wants to kill him/herself.  I didnt published that. But i stopped to wonder..

Sometimes pain can be so terrible. Menthal pain. That you could feel like that. I have felt that kind of pain when i was depressed. It was like air was ending, all walls came down, i felt so empty. I thought that no one cared for me. No one. Not even my father.

I have to confess, i tryed it 3 times. And always called help. It was my cry for help. That last time i was unconscious and in ICU for a while. That was a very dark time of my life. My mother just passed away, almost in my arms. My father was with his new wife to be, I had a sister, who i didnt saw too much, couse of my panic. And panic, it drive me grazy. I felt so bad in so many ways.

Im not sure, if i know this person, who wrote that message. But if I do....well, you know better!! You know, you are not alone. And you know, that you have a great life, if you want.

Its just, we all make our own choices, and have to take responsibility for our actions.....

That´s that. Back to present time. And my dream... can i tell ;)))) yes, i can, for you...dont tell to anyone! I think that i want a baby..And i hope that its gonna be true, soon... well, after "action" its gonna take at least 9months, but anyway :DDDD

                                                                                                                                                                Ok, lets keep that a secret for now and we see, how it goes ;)

So, have a great day all

2 kommenttia:

  1. Maarit this was raw and honest, lots of us have felt this way. After my ex raped me and then when a man I had cared a great deal asked me what I expected.... I became lost. Thankfully I have wonderful friends and an amazing doctor... I was lucky :) Now I have David as my very best friend, my soul mate, no matter what happens in life :) Good luck why your dream:)

    1. Launna, that was so hard, i belive! Im so happy that you survived, and found David. So happy for you! These are not such easy subject to talk, and i do appreciate, that you told me... :)
      And thank you, time will tell, and of course i will.. here ;)


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