Now im gonna be as honest as I can. I have tryed to defend one person so long.
And the Price was mine to pay. This is far from easy For me.
Like I have told, I have a good realitionship. Thats true, most of time. And I do know, that .EVERY realitionship has some issues, but.Where's that line, when it's going to be just party for one?
I have grown real hard way. That path was all about surviving.
When I was 14y, I went work. After that I bought my own closes. I was guite independent. I think that I have always been.
When my mother passed away, I was lost. My dad sort of left me, first for alcohol, then he had new family. And I was just that child from first marrige, who had panic disorder. So I wasnt good enough for new family.
So, I had two choices: Fife or give up. At first Igave up. I belived, that there was Something Wrong with me, that I didnt deserve anything good. I let people use me, crash Me. I didnt care.
But when I started to care, I was suddenly that bad guy.
Now im starting to feel that same way.
Dont take this wrong, of course here is so much good.
Its just..I eat all my food alone, drink my Coffee alone. Worry about money alone. Do things alone.
He does all those things with hes mom.
Thats why he dort need to worry about those things. Couse mom gives almost everything to him, always has. And thats ok for him, of course.
But when I want to do something,. Im that bad guy again.
sounds grazy, right?
I should not complaine, its just I have noticed, or maybe admit is right word, that I need more.
And one thing that I had forgot is:Its up to me!
Its my responsibility to make me happy, I cant wait no one to do that for me. I Know what I want, and Its up to me to do something about it!
And I Will. I have fight my way to be here, Im not gonna give up.
Becouse Im worth everything that this life has to offer, And Somehow I belive that it's so much more.
I still belive, that these problems, walls and worries are just one way for me to grow, learn.
So, if i need to eat or do something alone, I can say that I'm in good Company, right?;)
And nobody's Stopping me to go and eat out more.
And theres some awesome Coffeeplaces in Finland. And you Know what? Im not alone after all..
Its just that altitude, how I choose to be.
And I choose to be happy!
couse I'm worth it ;)
Have a great day all