So, you need someone else to feel good? You need to help someone to make you feel good. Big word, need. You feel better, when someone thinks that you are doing good. That someone is you.
This is a bit extreme example. But, i know people, who are feeling bad and dont take care of themselfs, but escape that feeling to creating feeling, that they NEED to do something to others rather that take care of themselfs. Did you got my point? I was one of them before..
I mean, i think myself. How can i help someone, truly, from my heart, if i dont feel good about myself? Then i dont do that genuine, i do it becouse i need something from those who i help. Appreciation. But if i start to appreciate myself, i can help others without needing something to return.
If i can say to my partner: I dont NEED you to be happy, but i enjoy to be with you...
So, then i´m not dependent on him, or his company. I´m enjoying myself. And this point of view, i can give more to this thing we call relationship.
Those thougs raised in my mind, after i read Anthony de Mellow´s book.
I know, that i could not explaine those thoughs so well that i wanted, or how Anthony did in his book.
But those helped me to understand me more.
When i was child, i was very social, but i enjoyd to be by myself also. I could play by myself, and i did´nt NEED someone around me all the time. I was not afraid to be alone. Lonely is so different than be alone.
When i was young, that continued, and everything was ok. It was normal, my parents never told me that theres something wrong with me, if i dont spend all of my time with my friends. I wrote, listened music or something like that. I took my own time. And still had friends.
But when i grew up, it was suddenly wrong! To enjoy my own company. Society around me pushed ads, thougs that everyone has to be busy, very social and always surrounded by people.
I was stubid enough to belive that. I practically reflected other peoples lifes and lived those. Not mine.
That´s why, i belive, that i was afraid to be alone here at first. And more i thought about that, more panic i got. Woh!!!!
Now.. i´m feeling good by myself. I´m enjoying to be alone time to time, but i´m never lonely.
Confusing, right?? :DD Well, still learning this thing we call life...
That´s enough for today, otherwise my brains are gonna start some fire.. I can see smoke already ;))
Have a great day all,