Today´s has been weird day for me, i have questioned almost everything about me. I realized, that i have been living my life with mask on so long, that i hardly recognize myself. Of course i recognize my looks, some of my ways to do things, and react for happenings.
But i also saw manners, that was´nt mine, i just reackted like that, becouse environment expeckted me to do so. Even i did´nt think so about things, or was´nt my way to handle things.
I tried to look as long i could, but then i turned my away from mirrow. Why, i am wondering? Just can´t watch for a long time myself, couse i know, that i can´t be totally honest.. not yet. I have been lied to myself for so long. And now, i have a big job to dig real Maarit out. And i mean, that real one, not with some mask on.
My concentration is limited, when it comes to learn about me. Some times it goes well for a moment, then i have to do something else, couse its too hard to take it all at once....
But i´m happy that i have realized that now, and not later. I have good time to get to know me again, even it´s so hard, mentally. But these are the things that let me know, that i´m alive! All the pain, tears, all of it. Those belong at the process of growth as a human.
Heavy stuff today, but sometimes just need to think these things...
All the best to you all,