perjantai 16. kesäkuuta 2017

once

Once

I was once happy here,
I was once sure of my life.
You took that away and now I´m
dead inside.

It didnt stop, cheating online,
it didnt stop, or us began.
I gave you a chance to do something
to think, to choose.
All I have to say,
you will loose. 

I looked old pictures and cried.
In those pics I smiled!
Now I feel like a fool
and keep on crying.

Why did you have to break us,
Was I too much?
I´m way too tired to care anymore,
I need to move on.

I really wanted this to work, once.
Now, I dont think that we can fix a thing
cause for you theres online bing

I´m so angry, for waisting good life
I have to think, has it all been a lie?
And what makes me even more angry is,
You let me be happy once. 

Falling from that was and is tougher that you think
but I will survive, I´m stronger than you believe.
I hate you for giving and taking
I hate you for playing with my life.

Soon I will be free,
and yes darling, so will you too, you see.
Free to chat, free to do what ever you want. 

I will be free to just heal and live
Yes, heart broken, but yet.. 
no lies, no doubts. 

You know, those take so much energy!
Wish I could say, hope you feel that some day too..
But I dont want this for no one, not even for you.

So once was us and happiness, now it´s just...
Once.

xoxox

sunnuntai 7. toukokuuta 2017

Back against the wall

Well, I don´t know what to think.
You destroyed all I believed!
I believed us, together. You?
You just can´t be forever.

I know, that you are STILL cheating me
Online, whatever, still being that same old
Shit
I got you once, then twice...now was that third time,
Is it really a charm?

My mind is confused, asking just why? 
Why the hell you need to so stupid bell!
Oh, yes it´s easy. Click here and you have a date.

What about this real life, between us?
How can I continue like nothing has not touch....
My heart is truly in shock,
can´t cry neither stop. 

For a moment I thought that
My life really dosent matter
and that´s that.

Now I´m so tired, I just want to believe
all that I saw, all that I know..
Just a bad dream? Hell no...

I wish I could wake up
just to realize that it was all made up.

But I know, that I´m awake..
I know, that words are fake. 

I don´t want to give up, I dont.
But I can´t keep you with force.
What does the future bring
Can we even see the spring?

If I blame it all in me,
Maybe I not all the woman you just need?
Yet, you said that I was.
Just hard to believe that,
with all the cost.

So you see, I´m going more to my shell
If you want me back, do it well. 

I give up for now, just to see
How much you really want you and me...

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about broken heart

With love
Maarit


sunnuntai 11. joulukuuta 2016

Hi again

So long time, since last time here! I have been avoiding this blog for one stupid reason: here I have this habit to face myself. Facing what´s really is going on in my life. Sounds silly, dosent it?

Well, last year has bees so crazy, busy and rough mentally. I have been taking care of my mother in law, she was in bad shape..but now..even worse. She´s in hospital, has been 3 weeks now and...we are happy if she can recognize us. It happen so suddenly. 3 weeks ago we talked about everything in life; she understood everything. So sharp. Now...well two small strokes and I´m feeding her. In hospital. That iron woman, that strong human!
And..she´s never coming home again. She cant. Cause she´s just... not in this world. I do miss her so.

Guess what? Now I have some time in my hands and I dont know, what to do with it. Usually, I had so busy days: training, jogging, taking care of her... now...I do work out, jog...but there´s a hole in my days.

It´s my favorite time of year, you know, winter..and I dont even see it. Christmas is coming and I dont understand it. We had traditions in X-mas with iron woman..now? Dont know...and of course my mans, her son,,,now there´s a hard thing to handle. I know that from my situation with my mom long ago. How hard it is to watch your mother to just...slip.

I tried to write some casual, or lighter blog...again I have to admit...not my thing. I just was escaping there. Also, facing my feelings is good, I just need to do that. So... if there´s someone out there...I´m here. And gonna stay.


Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about life

Yep, I will think that with thought and rise again. I will!

with love,
Maarit