tiistai 31. toukokuuta 2016

one sunny day thoughts

Wow, in Finland, it´s hot now! +27c.... and I sit here with my laptop. Listening Gary Moore... could be worse. And could be better. My car just went broken. Can´t use it at all... trust me, here in woods we don´t have any public transport...and first that dirt road is about 2km, after that 8km if you want to go to store...so...I love/hate my car just now.

I´m stuck here. And I´m gonna be next week or so, IF my car can be fixed. So don´t wonder, if I´m gonna write something...weird. It´s just me having some cabin fever!

I started my new program in training yesterday, and wow! I truly can feel it.. I asked fro my coach, can we continue one half year? And he said yes...so here I go again, building more muscles... loving it.

I have been thinking, why do I like to train here alone and not in some fancy gym? I like to be by myself... it´s more like old school- style without machines, but! Peace. And I dont have to worry about, how I look... no one is looking. Such a freedom there!

I´m social, in my own way, I think. My own time, own space is important to me. I don´t like to be in places, where I cant be myself. I mean, I could dress up...but I rather be in jeans... you know?

One woman said, that she totally knows, when I´m on my walk. There´s some sort of rhythm when I walk... Yes, I have my own private disco with me. I do! I put some good music on and it´s so hard for me to not dance..for example: good rock.. wanna go wild! Yesterday I had a hard time..from my headphones came Footloose.... that wanted to make me dance so hard! Music is the way, to escape and relax...to feel..to breath. Music means so much to me.... I truly can feel it. Sounds funny, but in a way..to see it!

I have this funny feeling which makes me look for future. I cant explain, but something is waiting...dont know what, but something big. Have you ever had that kind of feeling? That something is about to changes... if you are willing to accept it?

Looking for something...that is coming.
Waiting it to come.

As I have told, I love mother nature so much. I put here some pictures. If I start  write about that subject...well.. that would take all day. But these are from our yard, apple tree, cherry tree etc... :) Summer is here!

with love

maanantai 16. toukokuuta 2016

suffocating me

Ok, a bit challenging to write now. one of our kittens has this habit now, he comes to my lap when I write with laptop. He sleeps so peacefully there and I dont want to wake him. I´m such a weak front of him!

But, to the point. It´s a bit scary, also tempting, maybe depressing..feeling. You know, that you have something.. something big, inside of you. Something that you want to do, you need to do. Something, that you, that you were meant to do. Only thing is...you dont know what it is. 

I feel this...fire... something..inside of me. It is there. But for some reason...I´m afraid? Or something... to look at it. It´s like in my throat, there´s a some plug in there. It´s suffocating me, slowly and yet..I can feel that fire in my stomach. Does that sound crazy? Yep, maybe... 

I have had this image of me for so long. Like..because so much bad has happen to me and had a rough life..so..I´m not really the right person to succeed in something. With that though is really hard build something, I know. But that though of me, that was my image about me. Like I felt, still do, that I´m not pretty enough. For some things that I want to do. Even those, who do it for living, has said that I´m totally good enough...Yet...I feel like elephant. 

I have put myself to position, that I´m lower than others. I have done it well. Now..there´s some cracks in my thoughts but... can I trust those? Do I really have, what it takes? Can I let go from my ghosts and believe in me? Or is it just illusion...

It´s funny...or sad...how others thoughts about us can be so different. That´s why we need that positive feedback from trusted people... so we can go even further. 

I know, I need to something about my self image...just I dont know what. 

One thought... can it be or is it just dream? Which one I believe makes a huge difference.   
Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourselfKuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourself

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourself

Something to think about..

with love,

torstai 5. toukokuuta 2016

Just because I can

Today has been so so... hard...satisfying... teaching..and again hard.

I went with my mother in law 81 years, to see her sister. I think, that she´s almost 90 years. As  drove there, I was kind of stressed. I had to take my man´s car. That´s a small (cute) car without air condition and with clutch.

Today was hot day and I had to drive nearly 300km. Also, I had to make room for walker that she uses. Pit stops in some stores and one cemetery. I mean, so much to do, not just driving. And she has been a bit sick, so I was worrying how she can handle this trip.

Few times we lost our way, cause she just didnt remember the way,

I was, have to admit, time to time..frustrated.

But when we got to her sisters house and they saw each other...wow. How happy those women were! How much they have seen... it was so adorable, when they walked in a row with their walkers... I couldnt help, I smiled a bit. Then I just sat there with them and listened. They knew, that they had become old. I could not said nothing to that, because I knew..they know..that´s a fact. And getting older gives more challenges for living. Moving, eating..simple things.

This sister said: live now, we all are going to be old one day. You have to enjoy your life and do things...because the fact is...in this age..you cant. You just sit and wait..you know what. I knew.

I looked those women in new way...they have lived a long life. They have been young, too. Time get´s everyone of us... I have to do, what I want now..because I can.
There´s nothing wrong in my health, so if I want to do something..I do it. Cause I can. There will be day, I hope, that I will sit next to kitchen table and just wait... getting old ain´t too easy..it can be tough thing to admit my own limits..things that I use to do... I cant. I have to ask help all the time and I hate that. You know, what I mean? 

I´m not there yet...I just have to celebrate life now and worry tomorrow. What ever I do know, mistakes, things, learning... I can remember those next to that table...maybe. If my memory works. If not, I´m maybe in my own world.

But now... I´m not so old as I thought. I can see that now! Thanks to those two ladies...

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about not too old funnyKuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about not too old funny

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about not too old funny

Dream, live and love!

with love