lauantai 28. maaliskuuta 2015

More about feelings

Last post was indeed intense, I didnt read it before publishing. I am still learning learning more about me. :)
Now I find myself in..interesting, hard place...goes along with feelings. I´m gonna make some choices, decisions. Not too easy but I think, that I have to make it.

People in my life. Some has gone though, some are here to stay. But... there´s some things, that I have to think. MY feelings....

First and sister. Since our dad died (we have different mother)... wow, that distribution of inheritance was ugly. That was too ugly. I stood up for myself, after 20years for taking shit... and I had to hire a lawyer. I wasnt that doormat any more. After that....all gone with my sis. Nothing....I see her face in FB sometimes, and every time I fall in tears. Every time it´s like a knife in my heart.
I tried to stay in contact, but that didnt lead´m thinking me. I dont have to be the one, that still hopes...I have to let that go. This is real hard decision.....but I have to think me now. I have to set me free from that pain. I just have to...sis or not.

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about letting go of someone who doesn't appreciate you

So true. And....that goes for some other people, too. I have been thinking, why they want to be around me....answer was sad: wanting something.Trying to control my life, wanting to put me down. Not believing me. And that´s not what I want. Maybe this is me waking up?

It´s like cleaning my life in better for me, making room for new things. Even thought this is making me a  bit sad the same and relieved.

When I was younger, I was doormat. I just could´nt say: no. My mam was quite worried about I will stand up for myself, when she´s past away? (she passed away in quite  young age, cancer) She kind of new, that I´m gonna be alone after that.... but now, I can and I will say no. :) I learned that, in hard way. Makes my life so much does.

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about learning to say noKuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about learning to say no

So, today´s to the gym now!

with huge love