sunnuntai 3. heinäkuuta 2016

Easy Sunday

Finally here. I have been thinking to write here, but in summertime.. I dont know, where time flies! Or I do.. yes..lawn mowing, flowers, mother in law, lawn mowing, outside more job, hot, training... my car is still waiting to fix, so we have to make it through with just one car.. :) you know, basic country- living.

Difference between last summer and this is huge: after I started my training, which I still continue with my trainer at least half year is.. I didnt handle the heat very well. To be honest, I got some serious panic attacks when the real heat was here. Why? Of course heart beat is faster, when it´s hot. But I read it panic. Also, my weight was still too high for me to carry on, and that made a big difference.
I prayed so many times that cold air would come.. and our home is so hot in summer! It´s above this huge rock, which leads both cold in winter, but hot in summer.

This summer? I have been a bit confused. I started to be more or less afraid in March. Spring was closer and that meant hotter air and bees. How do I make it through Summer?

Then I saw in news that moment: heatwave is coming to Finland. +30c. Oh my gosh... But the craziest thing was..when that day came...I sort of was wondering: where´s that hot air...I mean, I dont feel bad? And yet, thermometer told that outside was +43c in sun and inside... +45c..

One big test was yesterday. We went to this "boys happening", where my man saw old friends and they drove carting. He wanted to me to come with. Air has been here in Fin hot and so moist. Yesterday it was +30c and moist was 68%. That place was open place, dark race track and sand. I have to admit, that in Friday I was thinking to say no, too hot. But I went, he wanted it so much.

It wasn´t so bad! I made it, and even feeling bad! I was so so happy about that! I could enjoy all the time in this summer. There´s a huge difference and relief for me.

Of course I´m happy about how that training shapes my look..but even more I´m happy about it giving me inner strength. More I go out of my comfort zone, more I have strength to do other things. So I truly can say: it´s all about totality. Both out and inside.

Now it´s something +17c outside and in..+25c still. Thanks to that rock. :) But not too bad, never thought that I will say so...

Now I´m gonna take it easy, at least one day. I did some serious work out yesterday and now I´m feeling it in my legs. Rest is best way to treat my body today..and my mind! Maybe some relaxing
Yoga, coffee, good more coffee..sofa..

Image result for quotes about strength
Image result for quotes about strength

Image result for quotes about strength
As always,

with love

tiistai 31. toukokuuta 2016

one sunny day thoughts

Wow, in Finland, it´s hot now! +27c.... and I sit here with my laptop. Listening Gary Moore... could be worse. And could be better. My car just went broken. Can´t use it at all... trust me, here in woods we don´t have any public transport...and first that dirt road is about 2km, after that 8km if you want to go to love/hate my car just now.

I´m stuck here. And I´m gonna be next week or so, IF my car can be fixed. So don´t wonder, if I´m gonna write something...weird. It´s just me having some cabin fever!

I started my new program in training yesterday, and wow! I truly can feel it.. I asked fro my coach, can we continue one half year? And he said here I go again, building more muscles... loving it.

I have been thinking, why do I like to train here alone and not in some fancy gym? I like to be by myself... it´s more like old school- style without machines, but! Peace. And I dont have to worry about, how I look... no one is looking. Such a freedom there!

I´m social, in my own way, I think. My own time, own space is important to me. I don´t like to be in places, where I cant be myself. I mean, I could dress up...but I rather be in jeans... you know?

One woman said, that she totally knows, when I´m on my walk. There´s some sort of rhythm when I walk... Yes, I have my own private disco with me. I do! I put some good music on and it´s so hard for me to not dance..for example: good rock.. wanna go wild! Yesterday I had a hard time..from my headphones came Footloose.... that wanted to make me dance so hard! Music is the way, to escape and breath. Music means so much to me.... I truly can feel it. Sounds funny, but in a see it!

I have this funny feeling which makes me look for future. I cant explain, but something is waiting...dont know what, but something big. Have you ever had that kind of feeling? That something is about to changes... if you are willing to accept it?

Looking for something...that is coming.
Waiting it to come.

As I have told, I love mother nature so much. I put here some pictures. If I start  write about that subject...well.. that would take all day. But these are from our yard, apple tree, cherry tree etc... :) Summer is here!

with love

maanantai 16. toukokuuta 2016

suffocating me

Ok, a bit challenging to write now. one of our kittens has this habit now, he comes to my lap when I write with laptop. He sleeps so peacefully there and I dont want to wake him. I´m such a weak front of him!

But, to the point. It´s a bit scary, also tempting, maybe depressing..feeling. You know, that you have something.. something big, inside of you. Something that you want to do, you need to do. Something, that you, that you were meant to do. Only thing dont know what it is. 

I feel something..inside of me. It is there. But for some reason...I´m afraid? Or something... to look at it. It´s like in my throat, there´s a some plug in there. It´s suffocating me, slowly and yet..I can feel that fire in my stomach. Does that sound crazy? Yep, maybe... 

I have had this image of me for so long. Like..because so much bad has happen to me and had a rough´m not really the right person to succeed in something. With that though is really hard build something, I know. But that though of me, that was my image about me. Like I felt, still do, that I´m not pretty enough. For some things that I want to do. Even those, who do it for living, has said that I´m totally good enough...Yet...I feel like elephant. 

I have put myself to position, that I´m lower than others. I have done it well. Now..there´s some cracks in my thoughts but... can I trust those? Do I really have, what it takes? Can I let go from my ghosts and believe in me? Or is it just illusion...

It´s funny...or others thoughts about us can be so different. That´s why we need that positive feedback from trusted people... so we can go even further. 

I know, I need to something about my self image...just I dont know what. 

One thought... can it be or is it just dream? Which one I believe makes a huge difference.   
Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourselfKuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourself

Kuvahaun tulos haulle quotes about trusting yourself

Something to think about..

with love,